> The North and South
>
>
> The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.
>
> The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.
>
> The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.
>
> The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.
>
> The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
>
> The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.
>
> North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.
>
> The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.
>
> The North has lobsters, the South has craw fish.
>
> The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.
>
> FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . .
>
> In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men
> in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along
> shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is
> what they live for.
>
> Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....
> do not buy food at this store.
>
> Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's"
> is plural possessive
>
> Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
>
> Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to
> use it.
>
> Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
> understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
> transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or
> "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
> this way. All of them are in d enial about it.
>
> The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.!
>
> Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.
>
> If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should
> stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever
> say.
>
> If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
> accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
> store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have
> to go there.
>
> Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns,
> they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
>
> In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn
> is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
>
> AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
> think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had
> kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits

I may not be a full bisquet, but the dough is in the oven.