The recession has hit everybody really hard...

~My neighbor got a pre-declined credit card in the mail.

~Wives are having sex with their husbands because they can't afford batteries.

~CEO's are now playing miniature golf.

~Exxon-Mobil laid off 25 Congressmen.

~A stripper was killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.

~I saw a Mormon with only one wife.

~If the bank returns your check marked "Insufficient Funds," you call them and ask if they meant you or them.
~McDonald's is selling the 1/4 ouncer.

~Angelina Jolie adopted a child from America.

~Parents in Beverly Hills fired their nannies and learned their children's names.

~My cousin had an exorcism but couldn't afford to pay for it, and they re-possessed her!

~A truckload of Americans was caught sneaking into Mexico.

~A picture is now only worth 200 words.

~When Bill and Hillary travel together, they now have to share a room.

~The Treasure Island casino in Las Vegas is now managed by Somali pirates.

~Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal. Oh Great! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!

And, finally...

~I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, Social Security, retirement funds, etc., I called the Suicide Hotline. I got a call center in Pakistan, and when I told them I was suicidal, they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.