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Old 07-28-2007, 06:18 PM   #1
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Default If a man cant hold his family together is he still a man.

It is hard to come to grips with the end of everthing I have experienced in the last 6 years. MY family is gone, I feel like my life is gone, if a man cant keep his family together he is NOTHING, I am NOTHING. Why do people have to be so blind to think that a happy future is always a possibilty. The future is a dream that only the lucky experience because it is looked forward to. I have no desire to look forward to my own future. My life from now as it has been since my son was born, will be lived for my children. I will now let my children guide my future as they are what matters most in this world. I am surrounded by people that love me, friends that ARE family to me and I still have no desire to seek what I ever wanted anymore. I am a waste of a soul, that is empty. I am losing what has meant more to me than my own life whether I chose to show it or not. If I am to have a life from now on I hope it will be a life of happiness lived through my childrens dreams and aspirations. If they succeed in life it will be because I taught them well, if they fail it will be because I have failed them and I have NO intentions to fail. My only wish is that I find the wisdom to raise them the way that they should have been raised in a loving family enviornment. I will now become daddy and mommy when the official day comes that Terra walks out that door to explore what she really wants. I pray to god that she will keep my children safe when I cant be there to protect them or her. I dont know how to deal with this, I am scared to death. At this point in time it is the anticipation of ,when will all this will take place and how will I be when my children walk out of this home completely unknowing of what is actually happening, to them, to their future to their stability they had with me here. I will ALWAYS say that family is worth fighting for but it is impossible to win the battle when it is a single sided fight. I am now at war with my mind until all is said and done, I just hope everything I believe of in myself will be enough to allow some kind of mental solace. I have NEVER felt so lost in my entire my life. I have dealt with death, dying, depression, loss, sorrow, sadness but NOTHING compares to this feeling I have within me, the feeling of I could not be a strong enough man to keep my family together. If that is what my destiny is I might as well just keep what I have in my life and not try to strive for anything more, theres no point. I will work, I will come home to an empty house days out of the week and the ONLY thing I will have to look forward to is when I can see my children next, until then I will be an empty soul who lives the rest of my days out for the time spent with my children. That is the only peace I will ask for, that the time spent with my children will bring me back to who I once was and MAYBE search for what is missing. Until then :'''-(
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Old 07-29-2007, 10:42 AM   #2
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I am so sorry to hear this. Always remember you have the Lord and he is right there with you. Reading His Word and prayer is the best thing you can do. All things are for a reason and if you trust in the Lord he will take care of you and your kids. Just do not let yourself continually spiral down. Get help for yourself because your kids NEED YOU. And there are people out there to help you with your life. When one door closes another one opens in our lives and we must be able to walk through the open door and continue on. Just keep yourself going forward and do not be hard on yourself, we all make mistakes and we must learn from them. We will always be here to listen. ANYTIME!!!!

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Old 07-29-2007, 06:52 PM   #3
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Default He's right!

NY, We are here for you any time we can lend an ear!
This world we live in is very crule sometimes and we have to make the best of it with what we have.
Like all liveing things on this earth we have to survive.
And like BH said sometimes turning to god may be your answer.
I hope the best for you,& like they say time heals all wound's this statement is so true,you will feel differently a year from now!
Wish you the best, Ken

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Old 07-29-2007, 07:26 PM   #4
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NY, it takes 2 to tango brother. Stop being so hard on yourself, you're gonna turn gray!
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Old 07-29-2007, 07:43 PM   #5
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NY, Take time to rethink things, and find a good friend to talk things through with. Like others have said, Things will look different as time goes on. And remember that your kids still love you and need you. We all are here for you to talk to if need be.
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Old 07-29-2007, 09:18 PM   #6
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NyLouie, You are a big dummy dude.

You are priceless and I know tha tfor you can not put a value on a soul.
Let me tell ya something else. I went thur this 29 years a go and found God in it then He gave a woman that is far superior to tha other one.

Da is mo fish in da sea dude. So when ya git over tha heartache ya will be just fine.

It takes a while and ya hurt terrible. You will probaly never fully be able ta forget and always regret but life can be better if ya will allow it. Your friend Smokes.

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