Archery Forums 3DShoots.com
Find Archery Shoots near you  |   Advertise on 3DShoots.com

Go Back   Archery Forums 3DShoots.com > Clubhouse Lounge > Jokes Forum
 

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-08-2007, 01:52 PM   #1
Sniper
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 975
Sniper is on a distinguished road
Default The athiest hunter

There was a bowhunter who was a belligerent athiest. He mocked everything about religion, denied the existence of any form of higher power, and belittled anyone who held or expressed any belief in God. He showed no respect for his quarry, and killed every animal that had the misfortune to cross his path. He lived as if he was without conequences for his unethical behavior.
One day he went hunting, expecting another day of fun, when he was surprised by a monstrous Grizzly bear. The bear swung a massive paw and knocked his bow from his hands. the hunter tried to run, but the bear swept the legs from beneith him and threw him to the ground. Opening its massive jaws ,the bear roared and lunged for the killing bite.
Overcome by fear, the athiest cried out "Oh God, Please help Me!"
Suddenly, the bear stopped cold in mid-leap, dropped to its knees, put its paws together, and started praying! The clouds opened, and a divine light shown down, illuminating the bear in a heavenly golden aura.
the Athiest was amazed! He said "God, all my life I denied you. I gutshot animals and left them to suffer. I mocked those hunters who told he I would be held accountable for my behaviors. I mocked those who believed in you and gave thanks to you for success in the field. And now, I call out your name in fear, and you stopped the bear, put him on his knees, and made him pray for forgiveness for almost killing me. Thank you for saving me!"
From the divine light the voice of God said:
"The Bear's not praying for forgiveness, HE'S SAYING GRACE!"

Last edited by Sniper; 05-08-2007 at 02:06 PM.
Sniper is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-08-2007, 01:59 PM   #2
Dredly
Site Guru
 
Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: Saylorsburg PA
Posts: 4,358
Dredly will become famous soon enough
Send a message via AIM to Dredly
Default

and at that moment I would exploit its weakness and put 12 .40 cal hollowpoints in its forehead, have it mounted, and eat bear steaks for months

Moral of the story:

Don't thank your god for something until after its happened.
__________________
No I'm not dead
Dredly is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-08-2007, 06:38 PM   #3
BUNNYMAN
I pray for you!
 
BUNNYMAN's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: the Hutch
Posts: 29,888
BUNNYMAN will become famous soon enoughBUNNYMAN will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dredly View Post
and at that moment I would exploit its weakness and put 12 .40 cal hollowpoints in its forehead, have it mounted, and eat bear steaks for months

Moral of the story:

Don't thank your god for something until after its happened.
oh boy............
__________________
I cut things up and split them down!
BUNNYMAN is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-08-2007, 06:43 PM   #4
jcmorgan31
Prodigal Son
 
jcmorgan31's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Orange Co., Indiana
Posts: 4,569
jcmorgan31 will become famous soon enoughjcmorgan31 will become famous soon enough
Default

I got something similar to that in an email today. I like this ending better.

An atheist was taking a walk through the woods."What majestic trees!
>> What
>> powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he
>> continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.
>> Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as
>> fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the
>> bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he
>> tried
>> to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to
>> pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.
>> At
>> that instant the atheist cried out: " Oh my God...!"
>>
>> Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. It was then that a
>> bright light shone upon the man and a Voice came out of the sky saying:
>> "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist
>> ,
>> and even credit creation to a 'cosmic accident.' Do you expect me to help
>> you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?
>>
>> The atheist looked directly into the light and said: "It would be
>> hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now,
>> but,
>> perhaps, you could make the BEAR a Christian ?"
>>
>> " Very well," said the Voice.
>>
>> The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the
>> bear
>> lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:
>>
>> " Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am
>> truly thankful . Amen. "
__________________
Pathfinder Arrow Wraps
jcmorgan31 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-21-2007, 04:18 AM   #5
StarvedWriter
Junior Member
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 2
StarvedWriter is on a distinguished road
Default

I knew this was the joke!


____________________
Jessa

Download Parkinson Cowan product guides
StarvedWriter is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -5. The time now is 12:15 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Copyright 2004 3DShoots.com