Really bad jokes!

Discussion in 'Jokes Forum' started by Cablegaurd21, Jan 3, 2008.

  1. Cablegaurd21

    Cablegaurd21 Senior Member

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    Two parrots were sitting on a perch. One said to the other, "It smells fishy around here."
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    Two fish were in a tank. One said to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"
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    How do you kill a circus?
    Go for the juggler.
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    What does Santa say when he goes fox hunting?
    Tally hohoho!
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    What kind of monkey can fly?
    A hot air baboon.
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    How do you fix a broken jack-o-lantern?
    With a pumpkin patch.
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    There was once a bus conductor, and he had really bad anger management problems, One day a woman on the bus refused to pay the fare. Well, the bus conductor got so angry he killed her. He was tried and sentenced to death by the electric chair.

    The day for his execution came, and they took him out of his cell and brought him to the chair. The guard said, "Have you any last requests?"

    The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

    So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

    "Are you ready?" they asked.

    "Yes," he said.

    And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.

    The guards rewired the chair and tested it a few times, and it worked perfectly. They brought the man back and said, "Have you any last requests?"

    The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

    So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

    "Are you ready?" they asked.

    "Yes," he said.

    And they hit the switch. And nothing happened. So he was taken back to his cell.

    Well, the guards bought a brand new electric chair. This one was amazing: leather seats, gold-plated armrests studded with rubies, the works. It was an incredible sight.

    They brought the man back and asked, "Have you any last requests?"

    The man replied, "Yes, I'd like an unripe green banana, please."

    So they got him an unripe green banana, and he peeled it, ate it, and threw the skin away, and they strapped him to the chair.

    "Are you ready?" they asked.

    "Yes," he said.

    And they hit the switch. And nothing happened.

    Now, in this particular state, there was a law that if someone survived the electric chair three times, he must be set free. So the man was released, and as soon as he stepped out of the prison, the press was all over him. He walked through the crowd and the flashing cameras until he saw a small man who asked, "Have you discovered some miraculous phenomenon of unripe green bananas?"

    "No," he replied, "I've just always been a bad conductor."
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    Hope I didn't waste too much of you time! Make it a Great Day!:biggrin1:
     
  2. lungcutter

    lungcutter Senior Member

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    Nice clean jokes. I like em.:lol:
     

  3. Holy Smokes

    Holy Smokes Senior Member

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    :nod: :nod: :clap2: :clap2:
     
  4. Dredly

    Dredly Site Guru

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    BOOOOOO!!!! Where is the sex drugs and violence? :mad:

    You should mark these as funny in 1940! :lol:
     
  5. Dredly

    Dredly Site Guru

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    A duck walks in to a pharmacy and asks for some chapstick, the pharmacist asks him how he will be paying the duck replies just put it on my bill.

    A horse walks into a bar and the bar tenders asks why the long face

    a duck walks into a bar and orders a shot. The bartender yells WE DON'T SERVE DUCKS! so the duck walks out.
    An hour later the duck returns and orders a shot. The bartender yells WE DON'T SERVE DUCKS! The next time you come in here I'm gonna nail your feet the bar!
    30 minutes later the duck returns and asks the bartender if he has any nails. The bartender says No. The duck then orders a shot
     
  6. Cablegaurd21

    Cablegaurd21 Senior Member

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    Two Men walk into a bar and the third one ducks.
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    A Rope walks into a bar and the bartender says "we don't serve Ropes around here." So the Rope sadly leaves makes a couple of loops and comes back in. The bartender says "hey you're that rope again!" The Rope then Replies "no I'm a knot!"<----(best if read aloud.)

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  7. BUNNYMAN

    BUNNYMAN I pray for you!

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    :frusty: :frusty: :frusty: :frusty: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
     
  8. SinGin

    SinGin Banned

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    Hillary Clinton walks out of her hotel, crosses the street and get hit and killed by a city bus. The end.:peace: