North vs. South (Holy Smokes friendly)

Discussion in 'Jokes Forum' started by Southernfryedyankee, Apr 4, 2008.

  1. Southernfryedyankee

    Southernfryedyankee Senior Member

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    > The North and South
    >
    >
    > The North has Bloomingdale's, the South has Dollar General.
    >
    > The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.
    >
    > The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.
    >
    > The North has switchblade knives; the South has Lee Press-on Nails.
    >
    > The North has double last names; the South has double first names.
    >
    > The North has Indy car races; The South has stock car races.
    >
    > North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.
    >
    > The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.
    >
    > The North has lobsters, the South has craw fish.
    >
    > The North has the rust belt; the South has the Bible Belt.
    >
    > FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . .
    >
    > In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men
    > in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along
    > shortly. Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is
    > what they live for.
    >
    > Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....
    > do not buy food at this store.
    >
    > Remember, "Y'all" is singular, "all y'all" is plural, and "all y'all's"
    > is plural possessive
    >
    > Get used to hearing "You ain't from round here, are ya?"
    >
    > Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how to
    > use it.
    >
    > Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't
    > understand you either. The first Southern statement to creep into a
    > transplanted Northerner's vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or
    > "big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect
    > this way. All of them are in d enial about it.
    >
    > The proper pronunciation you learned in school is no longer proper.!
    >
    > Be advised that "He needed killin." is a valid defense here.
    >
    > If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all watch this," you should
    > stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever
    > say.
    >
    > If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest
    > accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery
    > store. It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have
    > to go there.
    >
    > Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns,
    > they are proficient marksmen, and their mammas taught them how to aim.
    >
    > In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn
    > is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.
    >
    > AND REMEMBER: If you do settle in the South and bear children, don't
    > think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had
    > kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits
     
  2. pred8er

    pred8er He who eats fuzzy animals

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    I may not be a full bisquet, but the dough is in the oven.