randome jokes

Discussion in 'Jokes Forum' started by STLBlue55, Mar 19, 2008.

  1. STLBlue55

    STLBlue55 Guest

    why does a chicken coupe have two doors instead of 4?
     
  2. STLBlue55

    STLBlue55 Guest

    joke number two

    :censored: i just ran out of jokes
     

  3. bill10418

    bill10418 Why be Normal

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    Because, then it would be a chicken Sedan????????????????/ :noidea: :noidea:
     
  4. STLBlue55

    STLBlue55 Guest

    wow you got it :clap2:


    we have a winner and for your troubles you get nothing:D :biggrin1: :thumb:
     
  5. bill10418

    bill10418 Why be Normal

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    :laugh: :laugh: :pound: :humble:
     
  6. jkcerda

    jkcerda the GOON squad POSEE

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    One evening a husband, thinking he was being funny, said to his wife "Perhaps we should start washing your clothes in Slim Fast. Maybe it would take a few inches off of your butt!!"
    His wife was not amused, and decided that she simply couldn't let such a comment go unrewarded.
    The next morning the husband took a pair of underwear out of his drawer. "What the Hell is this??" he said to himself as a little "dust" cloud appeared when he shook them out.
    "April," he hollered into the bathroom, "Why did you put talcum powder in my underwear?"
    She replied with a snicker... "It's not talcum powder......It's 'Miracle Grow'."
     
  7. jkcerda

    jkcerda the GOON squad POSEE

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    The Guys' Rules-------------------

    At last a guy has taken the time to wr ite this all down.

    Finally , the guys' side of the story.
    ( I must admit, it's pretty good.)
    We always hear "the rules"
    From the female side.

    Now here are the rules from the male side.
    These are our rules!
    Please note.. these are all numbered "1"
    ON PURPOSE!

    1. Men are NOT mind readers.

    1. Learn to work the toilet seat.
    You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
    We need it up, you need it down.
    You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

    1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon
    or the changing of the tides.
    Let it be.

    1. Shopping is NOT a sport.
    And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

    1. Crying is blackmail.

    1. Ask for what you want.
    Let us be clear on this one:
    Subtle hints do not work!
    Strong hints do not work!
    Obvious hints do not work!
    Just say it!

    1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every que stion.

    1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what
    we do.
    Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

    1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem.

    See a doctor.

    1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
    In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.

    1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to
    act like soap opera guys.

    1. If you think you're fat, You probably are.
    Don't ask us.

    1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways
    makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one

    1. You can either ask us to do something
    Or tell us how you want it done.
    Not both.
    If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

    1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during
    commercials.

    1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and n either do we.

    1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
    Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We
    have no idea what mauve is.

    1. If it itches, it will be scratched.
    We do that.

    1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like
    nothing's
    wrong.
    We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

    1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you
    don't want to hear.

    1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine.
    Really .

    1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
    discuss
    such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation,
    or BASKETBALL.



    1. You have enough clothes.

    1. You have too many shoes

    1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!

    1. Thank you for reading this.
    Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonig ht;

    But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

    Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.

    Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh


    "
     
  8. jkcerda

    jkcerda the GOON squad POSEE

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    TWENTY NINE LINES TO MAKE YOU SMILE

    1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.
    2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
    3.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
    4.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

    5.. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
    6.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me
    7.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
    8.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
    9.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are just missing.

    10.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
    11.. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.
    12.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.
    13.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
    14.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.



    15.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
    16.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
    17.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
    18.. Procrastinate Now!
    19.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
    20.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
    21.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
    22.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
    23..They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
    24.. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
    25.. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
    26.. Ham and eggs...A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
    27.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.
    28.. The original point and click interface was a Smith &Wesson.
    29.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.



    Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends!
    Life is too short and friends are too few!