The athiest hunter

Discussion in 'Jokes Forum' started by Sniper, May 8, 2007.

  1. Sniper

    Sniper Senior Member

    There was a bowhunter who was a belligerent athiest. He mocked everything about religion, denied the existence of any form of higher power, and belittled anyone who held or expressed any belief in God. He showed no respect for his quarry, and killed every animal that had the misfortune to cross his path. He lived as if he was without conequences for his unethical behavior.
    One day he went hunting, expecting another day of fun, when he was surprised by a monstrous Grizzly bear. The bear swung a massive paw and knocked his bow from his hands. the hunter tried to run, but the bear swept the legs from beneith him and threw him to the ground. Opening its massive jaws ,the bear roared and lunged for the killing bite.
    Overcome by fear, the athiest cried out "Oh God, Please help Me!"
    Suddenly, the bear stopped cold in mid-leap, dropped to its knees, put its paws together, and started praying! The clouds opened, and a divine light shown down, illuminating the bear in a heavenly golden aura.
    the Athiest was amazed! He said "God, all my life I denied you. I gutshot animals and left them to suffer. I mocked those hunters who told he I would be held accountable for my behaviors. I mocked those who believed in you and gave thanks to you for success in the field. And now, I call out your name in fear, and you stopped the bear, put him on his knees, and made him pray for forgiveness for almost killing me. Thank you for saving me!"
    From the divine light the voice of God said:
    "The Bear's not praying for forgiveness, HE'S SAYING GRACE!"
    Last edited: May 8, 2007
  2. Dredly

    Dredly Site Guru

    and at that moment I would exploit its weakness and put 12 .40 cal hollowpoints in its forehead, have it mounted, and eat bear steaks for months

    Moral of the story:

    Don't thank your god for something until after its happened.


    BUNNYMAN I pray for you!

    oh boy............:doh:
  4. jcmorgan31

    jcmorgan31 Prodigal Son

    I got something similar to that in an email today. I like this ending better.

    An atheist was taking a walk through the woods."What majestic trees!
    >> What
    >> powerful rivers! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he
    >> continued walking alongside the river he heard a rustling in the bushes.
    >> Turning to look, he saw a 7 foot grizzly charging towards him. He ran as
    >> fast as he could up the path. Looking over his shoulder he saw that the
    >> bear was closing in on him. His heart was pumping frantically and he
    >> tried
    >> to run even faster. He tripped and fell on the ground. He rolled over to
    >> pick himself up but saw the bear raising his paw to take a swipe at him.
    >> At
    >> that instant the atheist cried out: " Oh my God...!"
    >> Time stopped. The bear froze. The forest was silent. It was then that a
    >> bright light shone upon the man and a Voice came out of the sky saying:
    >> "You deny my existence for all of these years, teach others I don't exist
    >> ,
    >> and even credit creation to a 'cosmic accident.' Do you expect me to help
    >> you out of this predicament? Am I to count you as a believer?
    >> The atheist looked directly into the light and said: "It would be
    >> hypocritical of me to suddenly ask you to treat me as a Christian now,
    >> but,
    >> perhaps, you could make the BEAR a Christian ?"
    >> " Very well," said the Voice.
    >> The light went out, and the sounds of the forest resumed. And then the
    >> bear
    >> lowered his paw, bowed his head and spoke:
    >> " Lord, bless this food which I am about to receive and for which I am
    >> truly thankful . Amen. "
  5. StarvedWriter

    StarvedWriter Guest